Date: February 2, 2014 

 

Note: This interview is purely fictitious.

 

I had the rare opportunity to interview the infamous detective of 221B Baker Street, Sherlock Holmes. Unfortunately, his assistant Dr. Watson could not make it today. Married life and a baby on the life is keeping him busy as of late. Nonetheless, this shall be an interesting and once in a lifetime experience, so let's get started!

 

Sherlock Holmes: Just have a seat over there, I haven't much time. (appears preoccupied)

 

Me: Uh, sure thing.

 

Sherlock: You should consider yourself lucky. I don't normally do private interviews, and I don't like the press. They're all sensationalist parasites.

 

Me: Okay, so first question. You appear much more open about your feelings towards other people lately. How has recent circumstances, such as being best man, changed you, and should we expect this new Sherlock to stay?

 

Sherlock: (scoffs) Really? You have a unique opportunity to interview someone like me, who has solved the world's most challenging cases, and you're going to ask me about my interpersonal relationships?

 

Me: Based on that response, I would say not much has changed then. However, you do seem to be slipping up a bit...

 

Sherlock: Slipping up? (suddenly paying more attention than before) I grant you an interview and you insult me? Well, this is a first. Fine, I'll answer your ridiculous question. I suppose that I am more transparent about my feelings. Being best man tested my abilities in a completely different way. I became more aware of how my words and actions affect others, and I was able to express how much of a valuable friend and assistant John has been. He and Mary deserve all of the happiness in the world. I don't think they're going to name their daughter-to-be Sherlock though.

 

Me: See? This is the lighthearted, caring side of you that you seemingly masked before all of this.

 

Sherlock: I wouldn't say that I'm lighthearted, and I still think of myself as a high-functioning sociopath, but perhaps I'm not as much of a sociopath as I imagined.

 

Me: Describe how you felt when Mycroft admitted that he would miss you dearly if something were to happen to you.

 

Sherlock: Did Mycroft put you up to this? I swear that I'm going to kill him.

 

Me: I can't reveal my sources. But do have a response?

 

Sherlock: Well, I was shocked to say the least. I think the punch was too strong for him.

 

Me: (smirks) So you don't think that your brother truly cares about your well-being?

 

Sherlock: Perhaps in some sadistic way. He watched me get tortured before intervening in my rescue. What do you think that says about his feelings towards his “Brother O Mine”? (mockingly) He always needs to establish his self-proclaimed superiority before being of use to anyone.

 

Me: It sounds like a classic case of sibling rivalry.

 

Sherlock: Has your brother ever try to have you killed?

 

Me: I'm an only child.

 

Sherlock: I know. I deduced that the moment you walked in. I was being rhetorical.

 

Me: I think Mrs. Hudson was right. You two secretly care about each other.

 

Sherlock: What has she told you? (beginning to get annoyed)

 

Me: We're getting off-topic here. Describe your mind palace. How did you first create one, and is there a limit on the things you can recall or scenarios you can foretell?

 

Sherlock: Finally, a decent question. I was beginning to think that you're just an idiot. My mind palace is based off a psychological technique called the method-of-loci.

 

Me: I'm aware.

 

Sherlock: Oh, so you're not a complete idiot. My mind palace is an elaborate mansion used to neatly organize the contents of my mind. I use it to recall things from dates, people's appearances, specific facts, past cases and memories, you get the idea. I imagine distinct locations and associate them with something unique. When my body went into shock, I used my mind palace to conjure abstractions of Molly, Mycroft [among others] who then spoke to me and guided me through the process of staying alive. My mind palace is invaluable during cases and coupled with my attention to detail, I now have an extensive library of knowledge.

 

Me: But how did you start creating one?

 

Sherlock: I started it as a child as a result of my daily logic exercises. Mycroft also has a mind palace, but I doubt that his is as ornate and grandiose as mine. He's not as bright as he would like people to think. I needed a method to easily recall information and make the most efficient use of my mental activity. Like a library. I needed to be able to learn something, catalog the information, and be able to call upon it months or years later. And I just happened to read something from a psychology book that mentioned this technique, and so I used it.

 

Me: So is there a limit, or can you make the palace as large as you want?

 

Sherlock: Of course there's a limit, I'm not an X-men character. Sometimes I have to forget something from my short term memory to make space for something more important. However, I tend to keep most of what I observe. The more connections I make, the easier it becomes to remember. I also keep other mnemonic devices at hand that make sense only to me.

 

Me: That's remarkable. You'll have to teach me how to make a mind palace.

 

Sherlock: I'd rather not.

 

Me: So uh..tell me about your drug habits.

 

Sherlock: I don't have a drug habit (murmurs “I'm really going to kill Mycroft”).

 

Me: So you don't smoke, drink, (pulls out a newspaper) use opium?

 

Sherlock: I use nicotine patches and caffeine to keep me alert when I'm working for days on end. I avoid getting drunk whenever possible. I did get drunk once thanks to John and the hangover was awful. Alcohol has the side effect of making my observations utterly useless. And I would describe myself as a casual opium user.

 

Me: Casual? Uh...

 

Sherlock: Mycroft tends to exaggerate it, really. The last time I used opium was when I was undercover. But I never let myself get psychologically dependent on the drug, and I'm used to the physical withdrawal. It's a good way to pass the time.

 

Me: Okay, moving on then. You don't seem to show any interest in romantic relationships. How difficult was it to pretend to be Janine's boyfriend? And how would you describe your feelings towards "the woman"?

 

Sherlock: Are we back to this? Maybe I should take some morphine. It wasn't difficult to pretend. It was just another role I had to take to work on a case.

 

Me: But I don't recall you doing this for other cases.

 

Sherlock: Not to this extent, no.

 

Me: But didn't you think that you went a little too far?

 

Sherlock: Perhaps. She is an attractive woman and it's unfortunate that she had fallen for my charms. I just don't see the need for silly, romantic arrangements.

 

Me: So where does “the woman” come into this?

 

Sherlock: She just happens to be the only woman who has ever challenged me. Most women, and men, bore me to tears, but I have grown to tolerate it. The woman has left a permanent impression on me for that alone.

 

Me: Speaking of women, you were shocked to discover that Mary was the gunman. What happened? Did you simply overlook the warning signs?

 

Sherlock: I embarrassingly attribute that to human error. I saw the signs but didn't think that Mary was an enemy. I was right about that, but I suppose that I didn't want Mary to be a spy for John's sake. I got complacent and it put my life at risk.

 

Me: You constantly risk your life, and sometimes the lives of others, to best your adversaries.

How do you cope with the possibility that some day, things might go irreversibly wrong?

 

Sherlock: I don't. I simply refuse to make a life-threatening error. I may be a little more cautious about putting John's life at risk for now on, but I wouldn't be Sherlock Holmes if I stopped making bold and calculated decisions with some degree of risk.

 

Me: So I've always wondered, why do you hate Charles Augustus Magnussen but not your nemesis Jim Moriarty?

 

Sherlock: Because Magnussen was a parasite and little more than a bully who exploited the vulnerable. I have no intellectual respect for a man like that. He was a repulsive human being and I'm glad that he is dead.

 

Me: (Maybe I should ask about what it was like to take someone's life. Did it change him or make him more like Moriarty, etc. – I suspect that he would say no though) Those are some strong words. So is part of you thrilled that Moriarty is back?  

 

Sherlock: I missed the challenge, but I'm apprehensive about the effect his return will have [on London]. A man like Moriarty doesn't just die, and I shouldn't be surprised that he would come back from the grave just as I had. Things are going to get interesting soon.

 

Me: So last question, how do you think he survived?

 

Sherlock: I don't know. I hate not knowing.  

 

Me: Thank you for your time.

 

Sherlock: (lost in thought, unsettled after his last response but hidden by a serious, expressionless gaze)